spooky_nine: (Film/TV -  Pokemon - Squirtle)
From [livejournal.com profile] mcgriddlefanfic:


The Thrill of Risk, The Taste of Maple


Toby chomped on his fresh, toasty McGriddle in the car on a rainy June morning, Beethoven's 5th playing softly on the radio. He had been camped outside City Hall since dark, waiting for the tip to pay off, but he might have dozed off by now if not for the slightly gooey, but forever delicious McGriddle to nibble on. It was almost hard to focus on his job with the taste of maple tumbling about between his cheeks. But he just had to have it. He would die for it.

But he would also die for a scoop.

A tip at the office of "The Daily Star" had led him to believe that the mayor would be meeting soon with infamous lobbyist Jack Eggsenoff to accept a bribe in exchange for "favors" and Toby Tomf, intrepid reporter, was going to catch them in the act.

Like clockwork, Eggsenoff rolled up in the parking lot in his black Rolls Royce. The sinister looking, pale man swept from the driver's seat wearing his even blacker trench coat and fedora, and a mysterious ebony box.

Toby choked down the last of his McGriddle in a manner more rushed than he would have prefered and chased after the lobbyist. He chased Eggsenoff into City Hall, pushing through the doors and corridors, always just far enough away to not be noticed by the shadowy lobbyist.

Finally, Toby found himself just outside the mayor's office. He turned on his tape recorder.

"Did you bring them?" squeaked the mayor's high-pitched voice.

"Of course I did," hissed Eggsenoff, followed by the sound of him opening the mysterious box. "Just remember, allow my associates to do whatever they want with the city park."

"Yes, yes! Of course Mr. Eggsenoff!" the mayor cackled greedily. "Anything you want! I've been waiting a long time for this!"

The time was now! Toby came around the corner and pointed an accusing finger at the mayor. "Aha! Caught you!"

The mayor, jaw hanging, looked like a child who had just had his pants pull down. Eggsenoff glared at Toby with hatred. On the floor was the ebony box, wide open and displaying what must have been at least 250 frozen McGriddles.

"Of course," Toby laughed. "Only McGriddles were delicious enough to get a man of the mayor's stature to sell out his entire political career. I should have seen it all along."
spooky_nine: (Misc. - Eyeball Kitty)
Coffins used to be built with holes in them, attached to six feet of copper tubing and a bell. The tubing would allow air for victims buried under the mistaken impression they were dead. Harold, the Oakdale gravedigger, upon hearing a bell, went to go see if it was children pretending to be spirits. Sometimes it was also the wind. This time it wasn’t either. A voice from below begged, pleaded to be unburied.

“You Sarah O’Bannon?”

“Yes!” the voice assured.

“You were born on September 17, 1827?”

“Yes!”

“The gravestone here says you died on February 19?”

“No I’m alive, it was a mistake! Dig me up, set me free!”

“Sorry about this, ma’am,” Harold said, stepping on the bell to silence it and plugging up the copper tube with dirt. “But this is August. Whatever you is down there, you ain’t alive no more, and you ain’t comin’ up.”


I love creepypasta. Do you know of any good sites for it besides /x/?
spooky_nine: (LG - Telephone)
If you’re over 18, you’ve lived through two years whose dates are palindromes: 1991 and 2002. That’s a rare privilege. Since 1001, the normal gap between palindromic years has been 110 years (e.g., 1661-1771). The 11-year gap 1991-2002 has been the only exception, and we’ll wait a millennium for the next such gap, 2992-3003. Until then we’re back to 110-year intervals, and most people will see only one palindrome in a lifetime.


Via Futility Closet
spooky_nine: (LG - AMA Fire)
Tuesday 9:00 AM
by: Denver Butson


A man standing at the bus stop
reading the newspaper is on fire
Flames are peeking out
from beneath his collar and cuffs
His shoes have begun to melt

The woman next to him
wants to mention it to him
that he is burning
but she is drowning
Water is everywhere
in her mouth and ears
in her eyes
A stream of water runs
steadily from her blouse

Another woman stands at the bus stop
freezing to death
She tries to stand near the man
who is on fire
to try to melt the icicles
that have formed on her eyelashes
and on her nostrils
to stop her teeth long enough
from chattering to say something
to the woman who is drowning
but the woman who is freezing to death
has trouble moving
with blocks of ice on her feet

It takes the three some time
to board the bus
what with the flames
and water and ice
But when they finally climb the stairs
and take their seats
the driver doesn't even notice
that none of them has paid
because he is tortured
by visions and is wondering
if the man who got off at the last stop
was really being mauled to death
by wild dogs.
spooky_nine: (LG - Bow)
The greatest movie review I've seen on Netflix:



For the movie B.T.K., which I think I'll skip.

Dogscape D:

Aug. 6th, 2010 04:51 pm
spooky_nine: (/b/ - WRYYYYYYYYYYYYY)
From /co/:

i awaken. i don't know it at the moment, but this day marks my fourth straight year of existing in the dogscape. i push myself up from the carpet of writhing, twitching dogflesh beneath me and rise to my feet, stretching in the morning sun. it took me a while to learn to balance on the layer of solid dogs that now blankets every inch of solid ground, but nowadays i can walk and run as easily and as fast as i ever did on soil or concrete. perhaps faster.

this was a city once, i think, though which one i can't remember. i only owe my guess to the massive pillars of dogs jutting into the sky, perhaps ancient buildings now completely filled and overgrown by canine biomatter. i climbed one once, sinking my fingers and toes deep into the dogwall to gain purchase, and after hours and hours of climbing was rewarded with an incredible vista - fur and eyes, panting tongues and wagging tails, hugging the contours of the once-barren land and stretching in a single aeomebic mass farther than the eye can see.

now i don't do that, though. now i merely go about my day. i hike to the Gardens, where the dogplants sprout up in bizarre shapes from the floor of the dogscape, and reach up to pluck the fetal puppyfruits right off the wagging, energetic branches. i bite into the succulent flesh, the juices dribbling down my chin and dripping down to be reabsorbed by the groundflesh, and revel in the savory taste. i'm thirsty, so i range until i find one of the Mothermounds, and there i suckle at a teatpatch until i've had my fill of milk. sometimes i see other humans around me, as well-adapted to the dogscape as i am, but i barely acknowledge them, say nothing. what, after all, is there to say? the world is different now - what meaning would our old words have?

free-ranging dogs are becoming rarer and rarer to see now, and those i do see seem as lost, as passive as i am. they too graze on the dogplants, step carefully over the undulating, bleeding dogfloor, dimly acknowledge myself and one another. in the distant sky, and on the far horizon, i sometimes see massive forms sail or crawl or undulate, and i wonder if in this new world normal, singular, ambulatory dogs have become as obsolete as i am.

i dug down once. down beneath the dogs. beneath the hair and the ears and the barking. it was hard, and took a lot of planning - i had to destroy one of the dogtrees with my hands, rip out the twisted, yards-long communal spines that served them as branches and lash them together with tendons and skin. but soon i had tools - pitchforks, spears, shovels. i picked a spot where the dogfloor seemed shallower and set to work.

the blood started spurting when my spear first broke the surface, and didn't stop for hours and hours and hours. i was drenched in gore and viscera, covered in flecks of bone and meat and brain. but i learned to ignore the sickening squelching sounds, ward off the smell, and just kept going deeper and deeper, spearing and levering out dogs of stranger and stranger size and build, dogs with two heads, dogs with human hands, dogs with writhing tentacles where their back legs should be.

eventually i came to the end of the dogs. or perhaps the beginning of whatever lies beyond dogs. an expanse of multicolored, patchwork fur that extended as far as i could dig in any direction. i could pierce it with great difficulty but it barely bled, and try as i might i could only barely peel the skin away, revealing a layer of striated greyish muscle beneath. it started to tremble as i watched it, shaking the very dogmatter around me, and i realized that the dogscape was beginning to regenerate itself, close in over me, seal me in - so i fled, climbing back up into the light.


spooky_nine: (/b/ - It's Always a Tumor)


Regarding this ONTD post about an unauthorized Angelina Jolie biography.
spooky_nine: (LG - Poker Face)
There once was a man named Bertold
Who drank beer when the weather grew cold
As he reached for his cup…
“NEEEEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!!!”
Oh, snap! You just got limerickrolled!
spooky_nine: (cockmongler katamari)
OH GOD HOW DID THIS GET HERE

I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER
spooky_nine: (it's always a tumor)
I like Indian music, food, and religion. Does this make me a weeaboo?
spooky_nine: (when you say one thing)
TOILET: THE NOVEL
Product Description

"If you love Kafka, then you'll love Toilet." TOILET This novel tells the surreal tale of two generations of toilet-people and a man in a wine cellar, slowly going insane, after a nuclear war. The novel breathlessly explores the fate of a toilet that is transformed into a man who is pregnant, but who will always smell like a toilet. It is a book that one author describes as, "a perfect portrayal of post-modern man, who filled with longing, loneliness and confusion, searches desperately in an everyday abyss for the joys we were promised. It is a representation of the dissolution of the nuclear family. It is, in short, a book like no other, one so disturbing it edifies."


I'm intrigued... I must find the eBook.
spooky_nine: (mudkips!!)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

I would fuck both of them.
spooky_nine: (longcattacgnol)
P-T-E-R-A-N-O-D-O-N spells Pteranodon!

P - he was the pilot of the prehistoric skies
T - he looked terrific as he spread his wings to fly
E - his eyesight was quite good he saw most everything
R - he was a reptile even though he had two wings
A - the air would carry him across the ocean deep
N - onto his nest high on some prehistoric peak
O - he circled overhead like some great aeroplane
D - he was the dinosaur who had the smartest brain
O - the only one who grew a horn to match his beak
N - he never ran around his legs were much too weak

Now you've used up all the letters of his name here in this song, put them all together and you spell 'pteranodon'...
spooky_nine: (Default)
WRYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
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spooky_nine: (washington)
IF YOU WERE BLESSED WITH A SPARTAN VICTORY IN BATTLE TOMORROW, I WOULD BE UNABLE TO DINE IN HELL WITH YOU, FOR I WOULD BE STILL SLAUGHTERING THE MASSES OF PERSIANS WHO SO UNFAIRLY TOOK YOU TO YOUR MAKER

======================[ >

WE ARE TRUE SPARTANS
WE FIGHT TOGETHER
WE DINE TOGETHER
Send this SPEAR to the man left of you. And keep track, fair Spartans. If you should get to 300, the phalanx will prove true.
spooky_nine: (abstinence doesn't work)
"The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That's pretty fucking cruel isn't it? Do you go up to cripples and dance too?"
- Bill Hicks
spooky_nine: (you make me wanna)
word of the day, courtesy of [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]:

catamite- n.

A boy who has a sexual relationship with a man.

quickie

Apr. 3rd, 2006 11:07 pm
spooky_nine: (i love you all // made by unknown)
here's a joke for you. it made me rofl. literally.

Mr. Anderson goes to see his doctor feeling a bit unwell.
The doctor checks him over and eventually finds a couple
bags of money up his ass. He pulls them out and can't
resist totaling up the value of the find.

"Well," says Dr. Lieberman, "I've found $1999.99 up your
tuchus."

"Hmmm," replies the patient, "that would explain why I've
not been feeling too grand..."
spooky_nine: (banana decapitation // made by unknown)
the best definition of pregnancy i have seen by far:


"Pregnancy is when a parasitic human grows inside a woman's body, increasing in size for nine months, deforming her body into a radically different shape. During this period extreme and unusual demands are made on the woman's body, although after the parasite is rejected from the body and becomes a little screaming baby, it slowly returns to its original form."


i'm never getting pregnant. i'll adopt, or have a surrogate mother. i just can't imagine pushing an 8 pound infant out of my girl parts. i shudder to think.

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spooky_nine

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