Xerxes

[spooky_nine]

www.xorph.com/anacrusis/2010/01/04/xerxes

Wooden bridges, it transpires, have a pretty short lifespan when you try to march the world’s largest army across them in a storm. A thousand Persian soldiers all try to invent armored swimming. They fail.

“Christ,” says Xerxes. “Surely my invasion of Greece can suffer no more humiliating setback!”

“A floating bridge–” begins Harpalus.

“Fine, whatever!” says Xerxes. “I’m going to whip this stupid strait with a hot iron while my generals call it names!”

Then they do that. I’m serious, look it up.

The Hellespont is largely unaffected by the whipping, but some of the name-calling cuts pretty deep.

Comments

[stupid-drawings.livejournal.com]

Angela Lansbury

Angela Lansbury is a master acupuncturist. She’ll paralyze you through the screen door of your cheaply appointed home.

“When I was learning the art,” she’ll say, entering, “people would relate their fear of the needles.” She undoes the simple rubber-band slingshot. “I say, fear the needler.”

Tell her you can identify her. Tell her to kill you now.

“This needn’t end in tragedy,” she’ll say. “I’m going to remove an item from your house now: worthless to you, priceless to my employer. I can’t let you see it. Won’t you close your eyes?”

Don’t. She’ll sigh, and pin them shut.

[tired-spirit.livejournal.com]

Now that is really quite wonderful :o)

[spooky-nine.livejournal.com]

I love that one!