The greatest EULA ever

[spooky_nine]

The website FelonSpy has the greatest EULA ever. Some excerpts:

Eligibility

Membership in the Service is void where prohibited. This Site is intended solely for users who are 96 years of age or older. Any registration by, use of or access to the Site by anyone under 96 years old, or by anyone who is under 96 and not in high school or college, is unauthorized, unlicensed and in violation of these Terms of Use. By using the Service or the Site, you represent and warrant that you are at least 96 years old and that you agree to and to abide by all of the terms and conditions of this Agreement.

You understand that except for masturbatory programs offered by us on the Site (the Service and the Site are not available for your personal, non-commercial use only. You represent, warrant and agree that you will count to 20,000 by groups of 3 before you make any search through the Service.

In addition; you agree not to use the Service or the Site to:

• Harvest or collect organs, either human or animal or other contact information of other goat herders from the Service or the Site by electronic or other means for the purposes of seeking prostate exams
  
  
• Use the Service or the Site in any unlawful, or lawful manner or in any other manner that could damage, disable, overburden or impair the Site
  
  
• Use automated scripts to collect information from or otherwise interact with the Service or the Site
  
  
• Impersonate any phallic god, or falsely idol or otherwise misrepresent yourself, your IQ or your affiliation with any person or entity
  
  
• Upload, download, reload, unload of anything at anytime
  
  
• upload, post, transmit, share, store or otherwise make publicly available on the Site any private information of any fifth party, including, addresses, phone numbers, dress size, email addresses, penis size, Social Security numbers and credit card numbers
  
  
• Solicit personal information from everyone under 18 or solicit lame excuses or if they are beneficiaries of a public school education
  
  
• Intimidate or harass another while wearing tin foil hats, or watching Return of the Jedi, Lord of the Rings or Star Trek
  
  
• Upload, post, transmit, share, store or otherwise make available content that would constitute, encourage or provide instructions for a criminal offense, violate the rights of any party, or that would otherwise create liability or violate any local, state, national or international law.
  

How many times have you signed (or clicked) your life away?